Finding Peace with Time.

In a place were many say time does not exist, I can only imagine how easy it is for you to foresee the day when we will meet again. For me it seems as forever, and yet, I know that for you it is just a minute away. 

Matias, there have been days when I get lost dreaming of that moment when I will able to see you running towards me, calling out "Mami", that day when I will feel your warm arms hugging me tight, once again. I have played that moment in my mind over and over again, yet, I know that I am still here, and time (years, months, weeks, days, minutes, seconds) will continue to be present in my life. Now more than ever, time has taken a leading role in my life. Out of nowhere I transitioned from a life were time was moving faster than light, to a life were time has inexplicably stopped.  I am aware that now, I will have to move on finding ways to make time fly. 

I think of what you would do, what you would say. I see you smiling at me,  I hear you telling me to enjoy and have fun, yet I am still struggling to think of FUN, without you here to share it with.  Now I see with such insight that your purpose was to teach us how to enjoy life; it was so easy for you, and yet, so complicated for us. Nonetheless, the greatest gift is the memories of the times that we shared together, all those moments when you made us laugh. 

Today I vow, to continue to live, to continue to plan, to continue to do the things I learned to enjoy because I had you. Even though the colors in my life have dimmed,  I can still see them. I see them in Julieta's eyes, in her smile, I hear it in her laugh; I see them in my students' faces, I hear them in my friends supportive words. Colors are all around thanks to you. You have given me all of this. Because of you, I am here. Every decision I have made, has been inspired by my desire to give you the best, and now that I am not responsible anymore for worrying  to give you the best education, a better place to live, a good diet... I will still continue to move forward, because, mark my words, you will be proud of me, Matias. I will be a better mom for Julieta, and I will love and care for your dad, unconditionally.  I am certain I can do this because, more so now, I hear you whisper in my ear... "We will do this together. I have never and will never leave you".

I am so blessed, not because you left me, but because of everything you gave me. So yes, time has now become my eternal nemesis, but in honoring you, I have now declared peace with"TIME".